Escolia- Introduction to Jonathan Wyndham

Jonathan Wyndham gripped the smooth controls of his class C4 starship in eager anticipation. He had just seen a small asteroid cluster in the center of the Escolian galaxy, only slightly out of his way, and decided to fly through it, a sort of testing ground for his new and very sleek intergalactic star-voyaging machine. If anyone had been watching, this would be a moment that would have gone down in history. Jonathan Wyndham conquering the first of his most perilous trials.
     The fearless and intrepid space pilot, overcoming overwhelming obstacles. Jon thought. He cackled gleefully, “Overcomer of Overwhelming Obstacles, I should probably have that emblazoned on the hull of this beauty.”
     A shimmering figure of an attractive woman appeared to the side of Jon’s vision. “How about ‘Obstinate Oaf, Overcomer of Obvious Obsticles.’” Ah yes, he had almost forgotten about the artificial intelligence that came with the ship, complete with its own holographic projector.
     “Sylvie, darling, I wouldn’t expect your computer’s brain to begin to understand the need of man to conquer and tame nature.”
     Truth be told, his ship wasn’t exactly “new” in the conventional sense of the word. The previous owner had been an eccentric quintillionaire who collected starships. He had made his vast fortune by programming AI’s and custom fitting starships with whatever devices their owners wanted. When Jon had approached him and told the man of his life’s ambition and how he absolutely had to have a space ship to accomplish it, the man had smiled sagely and said there was only one ship that could possibly be up to the task. The C4 was ancient, almost nobody would have wasted money on it. Jon had been intensely skeptical at first. The old man had explained that “this ship has more whistles and bells, hidden compartments, secret weapons, added thrusters, invisibility, cloaking devices, lasers, shields, food replicators, and cool graffiti than you can shake a Zrakthian baby at.” People were always shaking Zrakthian babies at things, probably because of lasers that shot from their eyes when you did it.
     “And that’s not all. This baby has the most advanced AI on board that the universe will probably ever know. I’ve spent a lifetime perfecting it, and this is the one and only ship that I’ve ever put it in.”
     Jon had fought mightily to keep the pleased smile from his face. This would fit perfectly into his plan. The element of surprise was of absolute importance in his future career. No one would suspect an old C4 to have all the gadgets of a much newer starship, and the too-cool flames painted all over the body of the ship were just icing on the cake. He had been hoping to spend only 50 billion escolians on a new starship that he would take the time to outfit on his own, but this thing was beyond his wildest dreams. He had tried to haggle for a while with the man, offering only 25 billion at first. They had almost settled on the relatively modest price of 600 billion when the man had disclosed the final and perhaps most important accessory a ship could have.
     “Did I mention that there is an Ultra HD HoloTV in the bedroom?”
     That did it. Jon had always wanted a TV in his bedroom, but his parents had stubbornly refused, despite all of his pleading. To have one of the Ultra HD HoloTV’s… Jon had only seen them in adds before. Without hesitating further, Jon had given up almost all of the rest of his savings, a modest two trillion Escolians. Armed with only his new spaceship and his wits, Jon set out to accomplish his life’s ambition
     Jonathan Wyndham fancied himself a space pirate. From the time he was four months old, he had dreamed of exploring the furthest reaches of space, seeking out hidden alien treasure, holding wealthy and beautiful women hostage, making his fortune with nothing more than his keen intellect and fast reflexes. Women would swoon when they heard his name, a name that would be feared and respected by all who knew it.
     All of that was going to start today, as he navigated the soon to be infamous Wyndham asteroid belt. After all, the chances were slim that anyone had ever named this particular asteroid cluster, so why not name it after himself?
     Sylvie laughed and laughed. “I understand men better than you think. Conquering nature indeed. Nature could crush you at any time, but because you climb a mountain, fly through an asteroid field, or shake Zrakthian babies you feel invincible.”
     “Women! You never make any sense. How do Zrakthian babies even fit into this?” Jon couldn’t help himself from talking to the computer like it was an actual woman. It’s just a computer. There is no reason to let it get under your skin.
     “They are all stupid things that men do to prove their manhood. Have you ever stopped to think what those poor babies are feeling? Why do you think that lasers come out of their eyes in the first place?”
     “First of all, how do you know that Zrakthian babies don’t show their mothers how much they love them by shooting lasers at them? And secondly, you are nothing more than an overly complicated AI. I thought you were supposed to help me, not psychoanalyze my every thought!”
     This computer was certainly more than Jon had bargained for. He had been duped by that crafty old man. Most AI’s were programmed to sound like machines, and they never volunteered their opinions. And who had ever heard of an AI that sounded and reasoned like a woman? It was absolutely ridiculous, that’s what it was, like having his mother along to offer her advice.
     “Fine, if you don’t want my help, you can try to make it through this asteroid belt by yourself.”
     That was fine with Jon. He maneuvered his ship into the midst of the chunks of rock and began smoothly dodging in and around them. The C4 was spectacular. It responded so perfectly to his control that it was as if it was responding directly to his thoughts.
     A small and unexpected asteroid seemed to appear out of nowhere. It struck the ship with a resounding smack, but only left a dent. A lesser man might have panicked, but not Jonathan Wyndham. A lesser man would probably have already smashed himself to pieces, Jon thought with intense satisfaction. He tossed his hair in an imaginary wind, as he imagined an old time pirate might have done. I am the master of my domain.
     An odd noise distracted Jon from his moment of exaltation. It sounded oddly like someone trying unsuccessfully to stifle a laugh. Glancing at the image of Sylvie he saw her shoulders shaking violently. Hesitantly he asked, “Sylvie?”
     Jon almost had to cover his ears as Sylvie threw back her head and a raucous burst of laughter echoed off the walls. “What’s so funny?” He asked with a fair bit of annoyance.
     “You… you’re flying…” Sylvie rolled on the ground, kicking her feet in the air, arms pressed against her stomach as another fit of laughter seized her. Finally, with a supreme effort of will, she managed to regain her composure somewhat. “You are flying around these things so slowly. You look like a two year old, absolutely concentrated on maneuvering his tricycle around the kitchen table.” She collapsed in another fit of helpless laughter. Jon felt his face flush with embarrassment. He was going to have to have this AI serviced when he got into a docking station again.
     “Well, if you think it’s so easy, why don’t you just give it a try.”
     Almost before the words were out of his mouth, the controls of his ship stopped responding to his touch. Jon watched in horror as all thrusters went online and their speed began to increase phenomenally. The asteroids became a blur as the ship darted in and around with movements so quick that his eyes couldn’t begin to follow them. With a wail of terror he crumpled in a heap on the floor and passed out.