Kitchen Timer

Yesterday morning the kitchen timer started going off. We have a digital timer, so it beeps. For some reason that I couldn’t remember at the time, I had it in bed with me. So, I woke up and began feeling around, trying to find the stupid timer so that I could shut it off and go back to sleep. Oddly enough, my alarm was also going off at this point, and eventually the sound got so annoying that I got out of bed to turn it off so that I could continue looking for the timer.

Since I was already out of bed at this point, I turned on the light and began peeling back the covers to see where the timer was at. Jen was still asleep, so I decided that there was not a very good chance that she would roll over and crush it, since it had probably been on my side of the bed. At this point I was not having any luck, and I really didn’t want to wake Jen up, so I decided to go take my shower. I have to turn on the lights to get dressed in the morning, so I figured that it would make sense to look for the timer again in a few minutes.

The shower was very refreshing, and I went through the rest of my morning routine. I walked back into the room to get dressed, and remembered that I was looking for that dang kitchen timer. It suddenly occurred to me that it was in fact the alarm going off that I had heard earlier, and not the timer at all. The timer must have been the way my sluggishly processing brain interpreted the alarm noise. Don’t ask me why I didn’t realize this after I turned off the alarm and the noise all stopped. There is a very good reason that I take a shower in the morning before doing anything else.

Escolia

I would like to apologize for not having posted recently, but I am unable to do so. You see, there is a delicate balance in this world that must be maintained by an elite few of us. I can tell you neither the name of this secret organization, nor the elite rank of Lord Captain Commander which I hold in it. My wife’s lengthy posts during our vacation tipped the balance, almost to toppling over. I was forced to abstain from blogging, or an inhabited planet in the Escolian galaxy would have been destroyed. My birthright confers great power upon me, which I must delicately wield.

My silence is being broken a day earlier than is truly safe, but I have important information which needs to be passed along. My fly was down since before lunch. Luckily I am wearing my conservative boxers today. And by fly I mean my zipper, not my fly minion called Rakthor.