Rift Valley Academy

I just noticed a video on YouTube that talks about the high school that I attended in Kenya. You should all check it out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHYmr3_qU5Y.

If you try to see it in the next few minutes, YouTube is down and under construction of some sort, so it won't be viewable.

Sovereignty

On Tuesday I prayed much more seriously and fervently than I normally do. I even fasted, which I have not done in years. I was bothered by the mediocrity in my life, and I was asking God to give me his passion in my life. I prayed about a lot of things, like my unsaved co-workers, but I also remember praying that God would shake up things in my life (only if He found it necessary of course - I don't really like trials in my life).

Apparently He found it necessary. On Wednesday morning at 9:30 or so, I was laid off from my company. This was the third round of layoffs, so it was not unexpected. In fact, there may be another round of cuts by the end of the year.

So, I am now looking for a job full-time. I don't know where this new path of my life will lead me, but I don't take it as a coincidence that I was laid off the morning after a day spent in serious prayer. My biggest concern now is that I will take the first "safe" job that comes along, ignoring the other plans that God may have for me. I am open to a change in my career, but I don't want to pursue something risky without His leading.

My wife brought up a good point yesterday. When God called Abraham, he did not call him to change his career (I don't know that there were many other careers open in that time period). Instead, Abraham was told to take his family and possessions and move to a new land. The important thing was that he was put in a situation where he had to trust that God would be sufficient.

I would appreciate your prayers that I keep God first in all of this. I have been reading from Isaiah in my devotions. Today I read chapter 12. It says "Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation." Wow, What a promise. It is so relieving to know that it is not me fighting the battle, but God.

Further in chapter 12 is says "...make known among the nations what he has done, and proclaim that his name is exalted. Sing to the LORD, for he has done glorious things; let this be known to all the world." That is something else that I want to keep at the forefront of all of this. Since it is not me fighting the battle, I want to give the glory to God and make sure that his name is lifted high.

Dvorak followup

I have now had a week or so of practicing with the Dvorak keyboard, and I am still liking it. There are a lot of varying reports as to how long it takes to make the transition, anywhere from two weeks to two months. The problem is that “they” never say if they are using the Dvorak keyboard exclusively or not. I cannot use it exclusively because the programs that I use at work rely heavily on shortcuts, which are mostly under my left hand. Also, when I get really busy I cannot afford to take four times as long to type an e-mail.

I am hoping that by forcing myself to constantly switch back and forth, I will retain the ability to type with both layouts. However, as soon as my typing speed on the Dvorak keyboard gets anywhere normal, I’ll probably only type in Dvorak and use the standard keyboard for my applications. My typing speed is now up to 19 wpm. I actually did not test it before with the new layout, so I only know that I feel like I am typing more quickly. I am trying to decide what a “normal” speed would be for me, but I will probably just switch when I can type fluidly without pausing to think about where the keys are located. I think that once I get to that point, my speed will really pick up.

Right now, I find that when am typing on the qwerty keyboard too slowly, and I have to think at all about what letters I am typing, I will usually type the wrong letter. Luckily, I do not normally type very slowly or think about where the letters are at too much.

Did anyone else decide to try learning the new keyboard layout? It is so much fun, seriously. Now if only it where as easy to learn a new language.

The Dvorak Keyboard

When I took my very first typing class, I remember learning that the standard QWERTY keyboard was designed to slow typists down. On the original typewriters, if keys were struck in close succession, it would jam. So they designed a keyboard that made typing as difficult as possible, ie. The most frequently used keys were placed further apart and not under the “home row”.

At the same time I learned about an alternate keyboard called the Dvorak keyboard that arranged the keys in a very logical pattern. The keyboard arranges the keys so that vowels are all on one side, mostly under the home row. It also tries to have your fingers roll in, since that is more natural for most people. Some people report that after using it they experience an increase in writing speed. It is estimated that the average person’s fingers travel 16-20 miles on a QWERTY keyboard per day, while they would only travel 1 mile on the Dvorak. This means that someone is less likely to have injuries related to repetitive motion on the Dvorak keyboard.

As some of you may have guessed, I have decided to see if I can make myself learn the Dvorak keyboard. Actually this entire message has been typed with it. What’s cool is that I didn’t have to go and buy a new keyboard to do it. Windows allows me to switch the key mapping in one of the property settings, and then it put a little keyboard icon on my task bar so that I can quickly switch back and forth between the two keyboard mappings.

I am typing at a speed of about 10-20 wpm right now, and my normal speed is around 77. It is hard but actually pretty rewarding. Let me know if any of decide to try learning the Dvorak keyboard.

Look what Zog do!

This is a rendering I did for some very wealthy people who wanted to know what their condo was going to look like. I picked out the decorations and had a little help with the color. I think the curtains are pretty sweet.

Hobbies

I'm totally with Dustin here, I just have too many hobbies. Between reading, disc golf, writing, carpentry, archery, the occasional volleyball, and of course video games, I don't have the time to concentrate on any one thing. It is a good thing that I don't fish or hunt regularly.

I'll start writing again as soon as I have some inspiration. And it will not happen tonight.

The funniest video I have EVER seen

Seriously, Jen and I just about died laughing. Click on this link to see the video. If you are in a laughing mood, you should be rolling on the ground. If you are not, wait until you are in a good mood. Whew...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSs7NCWp6kA

Field Trip Friday

Since I went to school in Africa and was home schooled through 7th grade, we didn’t go on field trips very often. I actually think that I went on about 3-4 in my entire time in school. My work has helped to make up for that a bit though. We get to go on “site visits” to see the buildings that we have designed while they are being built. Today I went on another site visit to the “United Health Group” building that is going up in Minnetonka. UHG is actually the company that was interested in interviewing Jen. It’s a small world.

The building that we checked out today was mid-construction. You could walk on all of the floors, but the glass was not in all of the walls. Some areas were pretty well finished off, and other areas won’t be done for months still. We checked out the bathrooms and watched a guy putting tile in. We got to walk on the roof of the building (it 10 stories, so the view was fun). They had huge industrial heaters that looked like airplane turbines. You could see huge blue flames roaring inside them. They were quite toasty. On the way to the roof, we got to ride in the construction lift. It was mostly like an elevator, but had plywood on the sides. There was an old man sitting inside that apparently does nothing other than operate the lift.

Safety is very important to Opus, so we had to wear hard hats and safety glasses (normal prescription glasses do count) and hard soled shoes the entire time. I feel very official and important when we go on the site all dressed up like that.

The entire trip took about an hour and a half. It was a very good way to spend my afternoon, since I got back and felt like I barely sat down to work before it was time to go. This is the 3rd or 4th site visit that we have made since I started at Opus. I’m finally making up for all of the field trips that I missed out on in school :)

Escolia- Part 3

A diagram showing the surrounding planets and spaceships floated in the air in front of Jon. The ship of the woman he had spotted earlier was highlighted, and his intended intercept path was blinking.

"Sylvie, run a scan of her ship to check fer other life forms." Jon said in his best pirate's voice.

"It be looking like it's just her aboard, captain." Sylvie said, doing a much better pirate impersonation.

Sylvie seemed to have gotten into the mood of being a pirate, complete with her own very authentic looking outfit. Jon was a little annoyed that she seemed to be doing a much better job at it than he was, but he decided to keep it to himself. A piece of floating text indicated that they would intercept the vessel in another five minutes. Jon looked to the first mate's chair to see Rakthor sitting up like a small child might. Apparently Sylvie had helped him find a piece of cloth that he wrapped around his head, and he even had a little sword that he was swishing around in the air.

Jon had Sylvie run a background check on the other ship to see who it was registered to. She found that it had been rented out to a human from the space colony Nebul named Gwen Lasater. The ship was due to be returned in a few hours. Jon smiled to himself. A rental spaceship would be perfect because it would simply return itself when given the command. He wouldn't have to worry about someone finding it and wondering what had happened to its pilot.

A short while later they were actually able to see their target. It was a small craft, only intended for short jumps between space stations. They wouldn't have any trouble catching it. Jon took a deep breath to calm his nerves and maneuvered his ship behind hers. He directed the ship's gravity well to bring the other ship to a stop. While the gravity system was directed at another target, there was no gravity on his ship, so they all floated from their seats. Rakthor began enthusiastically launching off of walls, squeaking little battle cries as he waved his sword around. Sylvie floated in front of Jon, blocking his vision. Jon reached out his hand in annoyance to brush Sylvie away, and his hand went directly through her. He realized that of course Sylvie had no reason to float, since she was just a holographic projection of the ship's computer. Jon blew at her, as if she were a wisp of smoke he was trying to make dissipate. At that moment Rakthor careened off a wall, directly into Sylvie. Her projection appeared to be bounced at an angle away from Rakthor as he sped by.

Their gravity well easily pulled the smaller ship in close, and Jon hailed the ship to attempt communication. He put his best confident grin on his face, and hoped that it would also be a bit intimidating. The air in front of Jon shimmered and displayed the face of the woman he had noticed in the spaceport earlier that day. She had a slightly annoyed look on her face.

"What is this all about? You better have a good reason for delaying me like his."

This was good. He expected her to be a little annoyed. "My name be Jonathan Wyndham, and we be space pirates." He watched her face and tried to gauge her reaction. She didn't appear very concerned, but he couldn't really expect anyone to have heard of his name yet. He growled an "Argh" at her for good measure before continuing. "We will be taking you hostage Gwen, and if ye don't struggle too much then ye won't be getting hurt."

"And why are you taking me hostage? Do you think that I have money, or someone who is willing to give money for my release?"

Jon laughed. "Do ye really think that I can be fooled so easy? We will see if ye be changing your attitude after you've been in isolation without any food fer a week." At that moment, Rakthor slowly floated past, growling fiercely at a cushion that was floating just out of his reach. Jon sighed. At least Rakthor had looked angry at the cushion.

"Rakthor, take a tranquilizing gun and go sedate Gwen." The obedience that had been genetically engineered into the giant fly kicked in now. Rakthor's wings began to buzz, and he abruptly changed course to retrieve the weapon from a storage panel. Jon watched as he flew from the room toward the docking tube. Jon activated a control from the terminal beside his chair to cause the docking tube to snake out to Gwen's ship. Looking at Gwen's image, Jon saw that she was finally looking a little bit worried.

Gwen said, "That creature is going to put its filthy little hands on me?"

"Don't worry about Rakthor. He won't harm ye unless I tells him to, and the genetic engineers put a propensity for cleanliness in him. He washes his hands as often as any human does." Jon hadn't actually paid for that particular genetic enhancement, but he didn't want this woman to know that he was cheap.

Gwen sat in sullen silence and swiveled her chair away from the display. Jon called up a display to check on Rakthor's progress. At first he couldn't find him, the fly didn't appear to be anywhere near the docking tube's entrance. Finally, he looked around and saw that Rakthor was next to a service shaft. As he watched, Rakthor started darting around corners, pretending to shoot at imaginary targets. Suddenly, the gun went off and a dart careened off several walls before striking him in the abdomen. Jon swore silently to himself as he unstrapped and pushed off to do the job himself.

As he entered the chamber leading to the docking tube, Jon retrieved the gun from Rakthor's floating body and proceeded down the tube. He opened Gwen's ship slowly, expecting an ambush of some sort. She was sitting calmly, facing directly toward him. Jon trained his gun on her, preparing to fire.

"There's no need for that, I'll come along peacefully." Gwen said in a resigned tone. "Just let me activate the return sequence on this rental so that I don't get charged for having it out for too long."

Jon watched her, his heart pounding in nervous excitement. Gwen reached slowly toward the terminal beside her, probably so that he wouldn't think she was up to something and shoot her. She entered a command that had been queued there and computerized voice informed them that the ship would be returned to Nebul ten minutes after they left. Jon followed her out of the ship and into his own. Rakthor's body was still floating where Jon had last seen it. As they entered the ship, Sylvie reoriented the gravity and they sank to their feet.

Jon directed her to the guest quarters that he had prepared for her. It was a standard sleeping compartment, but he had disabled all the terminals in it. He didn't want to have her going through any computer files. Gwen seemed to be grudgingly acceptant of her current predicament, and she entered her quarters and began looking around. He suddenly felt very awkward, not sure what to say next. If he wished her a good night, he would seem too kind. What did you normally say to the person you had just kidnapped before locking them up? Having never been rude or mean before, he didn't think that he would be able to begin now. He decided on a noncommittal approach.

"Rakthor will be guarding yer door. Once the tranquilizer wears off of him, that is." There, he hadn't been mean or nice, he just told her how things were going to be. As he backed out of the door, she turned to him expectantly. He waited to see what she wanted, but she didn't say anything. Shrugging he exited the room.

"Good night, I hope you sleep well." The words were out of his mouth before he had a chance to catch them. He reached quickly to close the door, but not before he saw a smirk on her face.

Meme

10 Years ago:
Since my wife was a freshman, I suppose I was a sophomore. Let’s see… in 10th grade I had a crush on Elisa Cook. I devoted way too much of my time trying to figure out how to talk to her in a way that wouldn’t seem strange. Let’s face it, sophomore boys are strange by nature, so I was really stumped. It wasn’t until my junior or senior year that I dated her for a couple days, at which time she decided that she was not actually ready for a dating relationship. However, she did start dating one of my classmates a few weeks later. *sniff*

I was on the JV rugby team, which I very much enjoyed, but was not terribly good at. I had to play rugby without glasses on, which didn’t help things out but doesn’t fully explain my lack of great skill. Everyone should already know, but I was at a boarding school in Kenya at the time. I sang in the choir during that year (and all the other years I was in high school). Due to all of the guys having their voices drop, I was assigned to sing with the 1st tenors. I’m really more of a baritone, but my range went higher than 90% of the other guys, so there I was stuck.

I played a lot of hacky-sack with the other guys, and I think I still have some of the sacks we used to play with. I believe it was that year that a few guys decided hacky-sack was just not quite cool enough. They invented “bottle-ball” which involved guys standing in a loose circle, throwing a Coke bottle around to each other. They had to be in the air while they caught and threw the bottle, which meant you had to move it around very quickly. Needless to say, the game came to a bit of a halt when the bottle-ball hit someone just above the eye and left him quite bruised.

We were really bored back then. Imagine 500 kids, all confined to a single campus, with a huge fence around the entire place. We had rules about who was allowed to go outside of the fence. Basically, nobody was supposed to go out alone, and girls had to have guy with them, or something like that. Actually, I can’t remember exactly what the rule was for girls, but I do remember that it was not the same as the rule for boys. They didn’t really care about equality of the sexes I guess. So, all of those kids together in one place, and we didn’t really have television or video games. Of course, we didn’t have parents around either, so we had a degree of freedom that we may not have had at home. They were some of the happiest and most frustrating times of my life.

My to-do list today:
Help Jen finish cleaning the house when I get home, in preparation for all of our friends coming over. I’m assuming that I will get to vacuum.
Write a letter to Gabriel, the Compassion kid we sponsor. He asked for a picture of us, so I need to find one of those to put in the letter.
Work on writing the next installment of my Escolia story. I’ve been sidetracked on another story for a while, so I’m sorry for those of you that are eagerly waiting on the edge of your seat.
Make sure all of my technologies are ready for the photo scavenger hunt tonight. I need to stream all of the images through my computer to the Xbox so that we can all see them. It should be fun.
Stay awake at work… so far so good

My Bad Habits:
Letting Dustin win at video games. I really need to stop being so nice.
I don’t know if it is a bad habit, but it really annoys me when I get distracted and sidetracked. I hate feeling like I’ve wasted my afternoon because of something that happened to catch my attention.
Looking at your blogs when I should be working.

If I suddenly became a Billionaire:
In no particular order: I would quit my job and find a line of work that was as fulfilling as possible. Find a ministry that I felt really used the money donated to them in the wisest way possible, and then donate a decent portion to them. Compassion International would probably be high on my list. Of course I would invest a decent portion.

Buy a castle that had fun little hidden passageways. Of course it would be outfitted with all of the modern conveniences while looking as authentic as possible. I’d let all of my friends that wanted to, come and live with me in my castle. I would have a fully serviced kitchen with a cook and staff. That would be fun.

5 Jobs I’ve Had:
1. Dairy Queen Crew Member
2. Assistant Grounds Keeper for a church camp in southern Indiana.
3. Assistant Carpenter for my father-in-law.
4. Graphic Designer
5. Flower delivery boy

5 Things people don’t know about me:
1. My first girlfriend, Marci, was the one that helped to get me hooked up with Elisa Cook for the best two days of my High School life.
2. I am a master hacky-sacker (at least I think I still am)
3. I once shot a bird with a mango seed from my slingshot. A man saw me shoot it, and came over, very angrily. My brother Nate and I saw him coming, and went about pretending that nothing had happened. How could he prove anything, the bird had fallen in the bushes. Meanwhile my brother Jon came jumping out of the bushes with the bird, cheering excitedly. Sad day.
4. I once went streaking with two other guys. One guy decided at the last moment that he didn’t really want to any more. He of course took our clothes and tried to run away when we were on the other edge of the field. We caught him very quickly. Lets just say that we were pretty motivated.
5. Did you know that the female chameleon gives birth by falling from the highest branch in a tree so that her belly splits open?

Why I write stories

I realized the other day that I didn’t really mention in my blog why I was writing stories. I told a few people face to face, so I just didn’t think about it. Basically, I’m writing stories because I feel like Allison does today… only I feel that way all the time. When someone asks me what is new, I can’t usually come up with much.

I’ve written stories before for fun, and Jen kept saying that I should write some more, so I decided to start a random story and see where it went. Now, writers are often asked where they get their characters and ideas from. My plots are often just a random train of thought. For instance when Jonathan Wyndham was buying his new fly minion, I randomly came up with the idea to have the fly genetically keyed to obey him. I don’t think that I have heard that particular concept before, although I might have. I just figured that if they were genetically mutating animals, they could probably genetically mutate them a little further without much effort.

The characters in my stories come from all of you. I just take people I know and imagine how they would act in my story. As I’m sure you all have guessed, the character of Rakthor is based loosely on Dustin. I won’t tell you who the overly dominating Sylvie is. You’ll have to just wonder which of you it is... Ok, I’m just kidding, I don’t base my characters on any of you.

Anyway, now you know why I’m writing stories. It’s just because I’m bored and don’t have anything else to blog about that is super interesting, and I like writing.

Escolia- Part 2

Jon walked confidentially toward the pilot's cabin, a steaming mug of coffee in his hand. He decided that it was best to pretend he hadn't humiliated himself the day before. After all, if he let Sylvie know that she had gotten to him, it would just encourage her.
      Jon sat in the commander's chair and called, “Sylvie?”
      With a loud popping noise, Sylvie suddenly appeared in front of him, causing Jon to jump involuntarily.
      “Do you really need to make a noise when you appear like that?”
      Sylvie grinned impishly, “That all depends on how much I need to see that look of terror on your face.”
      Shaking his head in exasperation, Jon sighed. “Sylvie, I need you to plot a course for Zrakthia.”
      “What's in Zrakthia?”
      “Well, every good pirate needs a pet of some sort, and the geneticists there are doing some great work with enhanced animal behavior.”
      A look of amused surprise crossed Sylvie's face. “You think you are a pirate?”
      Jon was a little embarrassed and defensive. “Well, I read about pirates in books, and I'm trying to be one. It's hard though, I don't have anyone to learn from.”
      “Did you ever think about trying to watch a movie about pirates? I mean, your clothing is all wrong, and you aren't even trying to to use an accent.”
      Jon was dumbfounded. “Of course! Why didn't I think of that?”
      Sylvie mumbled to herself, “Probably for the same reason that you decided to fly through an asteroid field that was out of your way.”
      “What did you say?”
      In answer, Sylvie set the ship's course for Zrakthia. Jon called up old 21st century movies and began watching them to see what he could learn.

The Zrakthian spaceport was teeming with life of every kind. Aliens with every imaginable bulbous protrusion crowded the marketplace. Most business was done in the orbiting spaceports, since a great deal of the planet's native life was quite deadly to the unprepared visitor. On a world where even infants shot lasers from their eyes, the wildlife was quite deadly. Jon's gaudy pirate's hat barely got a second glance, but that was no surprise, given the other outlandish outfits and body parts that everyone else had.
      Jon headed toward the geneticist's building, where mutated animals and creatures of all types were on display. A large chameleon with what appeared to be computer inputs sat under a sign that explained “Plug this chameleon into your ship and let its natural camouflage act as a cloaking device to make you completely invisible.” A bird had the dual purpose of chirping the most beautiful bird song that Jon had ever heard, as well as a programmable feature that allowed it to be used as an alarm. Tiny elephants that could fit in a human hand eagerly jumped around a glass container, to the delight of a group of children who were watching them expectantly.
      Jon realized with disappointment that he couldn't find any parrots and only one type of monkey which apparently did little more than play the violin poorly.. He continued to browse, close to giving up and trying a different store when he noticed an enormous fly. It was the size of a small dog, and a sign announced “Enhanced Intelligence.” Curious, he examined it more closely. Its description explained that it was able to understand and complete simple tasks. It wasn't quite a parrot, but it did fly, and it would be useful to have a pet that was so versatile. The price was a modest 500 million escolians. Not a bad deal at all.
      A piece of Jon's hair was used to genetically key his new pet to accept and obey orders from him. Such pets were coded in a way that prevented them from harming any living creature that was not threatening the life of its master. Jon decided to name his new fly Rakthor, as it sounded like a suitably fearsome name for a pirate's pet.
      Rakthor perched on Jon's shoulder as he walked toward the food market. A few popular food chains from Earth had survived for thousands of years, and Jon was pleased to see the familiar Starbucks and McDonalds. As he waited in line to get a burger, he noted with disgust that a single escolian would now only buy 3 chicken nuggets. He bought twelve nuggets for Rakthor and filled out a complaint card to let the management know how outraged he was at their overpriced nuggets. Argh, the dread pirate Jonathan Wyndham wants to tell ye that yer nuggets are too expensive. Shiver me timbers if I don't attack the first of yer ships that I sees, ifin ye don't do something about it. He would be surprised if the prices didn't fall within the week.

Now that Jon had a fly minion, it was time to do something suitably piratish. Kidnapping a beautiful woman seemed like the best place to start. His funds needed some replenishing, and a good ransom might be just the thing he needed. Since the market place was still full of people, he decided to walk the streets, looking for his first victim.
      An alien female with brilliantly orange skin caught his attention. She was wearing a large amount of jewelry, and her clothes looked to be rather expensive as well. Jon headed toward her, to get a better look and see if she would be worth the effort. Rakthor buzzed in eager anticipation, obviously as excited as he was. She did not appear much different than a human, other than her skin color. Only two arms and two legs, which meant that Jon wouldn’t have to wonder if any of the extra appendages had evolved as a type of weapon. Jon was not able to see any weapons on her in fact, something that made him a little suspicious. It seemed like most people in the market had a weapon of some kind.
      Rakthor suddenly began to buzz and squeak in outraged tones. Jon turned to see what could possibly be upsetting him so much and saw an enormous frog. The frog, which came up to Jon’s waist, seemed to be focused intently on the same orange alien female that they had been watching a moment ago. Jon watched in amazement as the frog’s tongue shot out lightning fast from an incredible distance and snatched several of the expensive looking pearls that the female was wearing. It seemed like no one but them had happened to see the thievery, and he was not entirely sure he had actually seen it.
      “Hmm, that might be a useful pet to have. Being able to take things from a distance like that would be nice.” Jon said to himself quietly. Rakthor was outraged and flew off of Jon’s shoulder and began angrily buzzing and squeaking in his face.
      Before Jon could act to quiet his upset pet, a small explosion sounded, and he looked in surprise to see what appeared to be the flesh of some creature flying in all directions from a point where moments before a particular frog had squatted. There was no great uproar of the incident, apparently exploding frogs were commonplace here. “Blasted frogs are always exploding,” a passerby confirmed.
      Jon quietly reevaluated the bright orange female. It would appear that her jewelry was for far more than show. He shuddered to think what might have happened if he had taken that woman on his ship with so many hidden explosives.
      Rakthor had landed in the middle of where the explosion had originated from and was rolling around on his back while kicking his legs in the air, apparently in great mirth. Jon decided to leave him to his celebration while he continued looking for another potential victim. He spotted her almost at once.
      There was not much that stood out about her. She was well dressed, but not extravagantly. Her height and attractiveness were also a bit above average, but not exceptional. A blaster was strapped to her leg, which made Jon decidedly more comfortable. If her weapon was obviously visible, he probably didn’t need to worry about any hidden ones. Jon followed her as she headed off toward a space ship and then called Sylvie tell her which ship to begin tracking.
      Jon returned to find Rakthor, only to see him now dancing in delight on the spot where the frog had met its demise, as if he had been responsible for the defeat of a great and terrible foe.
      Calling to Rakthor, Jon quickly hurried off to his own spaceship to begin his second great act as a pirate.

Post delayed

I tried to write another episode of Jonathan Wyndham, but it needs some refinement before I post. Don't worry, I'll put it up as soon as I get it done.

Escolia- Introduction to Jonathan Wyndham

Jonathan Wyndham gripped the smooth controls of his class C4 starship in eager anticipation. He had just seen a small asteroid cluster in the center of the Escolian galaxy, only slightly out of his way, and decided to fly through it, a sort of testing ground for his new and very sleek intergalactic star-voyaging machine. If anyone had been watching, this would be a moment that would have gone down in history. Jonathan Wyndham conquering the first of his most perilous trials.
     The fearless and intrepid space pilot, overcoming overwhelming obstacles. Jon thought. He cackled gleefully, “Overcomer of Overwhelming Obstacles, I should probably have that emblazoned on the hull of this beauty.”
     A shimmering figure of an attractive woman appeared to the side of Jon’s vision. “How about ‘Obstinate Oaf, Overcomer of Obvious Obsticles.’” Ah yes, he had almost forgotten about the artificial intelligence that came with the ship, complete with its own holographic projector.
     “Sylvie, darling, I wouldn’t expect your computer’s brain to begin to understand the need of man to conquer and tame nature.”
     Truth be told, his ship wasn’t exactly “new” in the conventional sense of the word. The previous owner had been an eccentric quintillionaire who collected starships. He had made his vast fortune by programming AI’s and custom fitting starships with whatever devices their owners wanted. When Jon had approached him and told the man of his life’s ambition and how he absolutely had to have a space ship to accomplish it, the man had smiled sagely and said there was only one ship that could possibly be up to the task. The C4 was ancient, almost nobody would have wasted money on it. Jon had been intensely skeptical at first. The old man had explained that “this ship has more whistles and bells, hidden compartments, secret weapons, added thrusters, invisibility, cloaking devices, lasers, shields, food replicators, and cool graffiti than you can shake a Zrakthian baby at.” People were always shaking Zrakthian babies at things, probably because of lasers that shot from their eyes when you did it.
     “And that’s not all. This baby has the most advanced AI on board that the universe will probably ever know. I’ve spent a lifetime perfecting it, and this is the one and only ship that I’ve ever put it in.”
     Jon had fought mightily to keep the pleased smile from his face. This would fit perfectly into his plan. The element of surprise was of absolute importance in his future career. No one would suspect an old C4 to have all the gadgets of a much newer starship, and the too-cool flames painted all over the body of the ship were just icing on the cake. He had been hoping to spend only 50 billion escolians on a new starship that he would take the time to outfit on his own, but this thing was beyond his wildest dreams. He had tried to haggle for a while with the man, offering only 25 billion at first. They had almost settled on the relatively modest price of 600 billion when the man had disclosed the final and perhaps most important accessory a ship could have.
     “Did I mention that there is an Ultra HD HoloTV in the bedroom?”
     That did it. Jon had always wanted a TV in his bedroom, but his parents had stubbornly refused, despite all of his pleading. To have one of the Ultra HD HoloTV’s… Jon had only seen them in adds before. Without hesitating further, Jon had given up almost all of the rest of his savings, a modest two trillion Escolians. Armed with only his new spaceship and his wits, Jon set out to accomplish his life’s ambition
     Jonathan Wyndham fancied himself a space pirate. From the time he was four months old, he had dreamed of exploring the furthest reaches of space, seeking out hidden alien treasure, holding wealthy and beautiful women hostage, making his fortune with nothing more than his keen intellect and fast reflexes. Women would swoon when they heard his name, a name that would be feared and respected by all who knew it.
     All of that was going to start today, as he navigated the soon to be infamous Wyndham asteroid belt. After all, the chances were slim that anyone had ever named this particular asteroid cluster, so why not name it after himself?
     Sylvie laughed and laughed. “I understand men better than you think. Conquering nature indeed. Nature could crush you at any time, but because you climb a mountain, fly through an asteroid field, or shake Zrakthian babies you feel invincible.”
     “Women! You never make any sense. How do Zrakthian babies even fit into this?” Jon couldn’t help himself from talking to the computer like it was an actual woman. It’s just a computer. There is no reason to let it get under your skin.
     “They are all stupid things that men do to prove their manhood. Have you ever stopped to think what those poor babies are feeling? Why do you think that lasers come out of their eyes in the first place?”
     “First of all, how do you know that Zrakthian babies don’t show their mothers how much they love them by shooting lasers at them? And secondly, you are nothing more than an overly complicated AI. I thought you were supposed to help me, not psychoanalyze my every thought!”
     This computer was certainly more than Jon had bargained for. He had been duped by that crafty old man. Most AI’s were programmed to sound like machines, and they never volunteered their opinions. And who had ever heard of an AI that sounded and reasoned like a woman? It was absolutely ridiculous, that’s what it was, like having his mother along to offer her advice.
     “Fine, if you don’t want my help, you can try to make it through this asteroid belt by yourself.”
     That was fine with Jon. He maneuvered his ship into the midst of the chunks of rock and began smoothly dodging in and around them. The C4 was spectacular. It responded so perfectly to his control that it was as if it was responding directly to his thoughts.
     A small and unexpected asteroid seemed to appear out of nowhere. It struck the ship with a resounding smack, but only left a dent. A lesser man might have panicked, but not Jonathan Wyndham. A lesser man would probably have already smashed himself to pieces, Jon thought with intense satisfaction. He tossed his hair in an imaginary wind, as he imagined an old time pirate might have done. I am the master of my domain.
     An odd noise distracted Jon from his moment of exaltation. It sounded oddly like someone trying unsuccessfully to stifle a laugh. Glancing at the image of Sylvie he saw her shoulders shaking violently. Hesitantly he asked, “Sylvie?”
     Jon almost had to cover his ears as Sylvie threw back her head and a raucous burst of laughter echoed off the walls. “What’s so funny?” He asked with a fair bit of annoyance.
     “You… you’re flying…” Sylvie rolled on the ground, kicking her feet in the air, arms pressed against her stomach as another fit of laughter seized her. Finally, with a supreme effort of will, she managed to regain her composure somewhat. “You are flying around these things so slowly. You look like a two year old, absolutely concentrated on maneuvering his tricycle around the kitchen table.” She collapsed in another fit of helpless laughter. Jon felt his face flush with embarrassment. He was going to have to have this AI serviced when he got into a docking station again.
     “Well, if you think it’s so easy, why don’t you just give it a try.”
     Almost before the words were out of his mouth, the controls of his ship stopped responding to his touch. Jon watched in horror as all thrusters went online and their speed began to increase phenomenally. The asteroids became a blur as the ship darted in and around with movements so quick that his eyes couldn’t begin to follow them. With a wail of terror he crumpled in a heap on the floor and passed out.

Kitchen Timer

Yesterday morning the kitchen timer started going off. We have a digital timer, so it beeps. For some reason that I couldn’t remember at the time, I had it in bed with me. So, I woke up and began feeling around, trying to find the stupid timer so that I could shut it off and go back to sleep. Oddly enough, my alarm was also going off at this point, and eventually the sound got so annoying that I got out of bed to turn it off so that I could continue looking for the timer.

Since I was already out of bed at this point, I turned on the light and began peeling back the covers to see where the timer was at. Jen was still asleep, so I decided that there was not a very good chance that she would roll over and crush it, since it had probably been on my side of the bed. At this point I was not having any luck, and I really didn’t want to wake Jen up, so I decided to go take my shower. I have to turn on the lights to get dressed in the morning, so I figured that it would make sense to look for the timer again in a few minutes.

The shower was very refreshing, and I went through the rest of my morning routine. I walked back into the room to get dressed, and remembered that I was looking for that dang kitchen timer. It suddenly occurred to me that it was in fact the alarm going off that I had heard earlier, and not the timer at all. The timer must have been the way my sluggishly processing brain interpreted the alarm noise. Don’t ask me why I didn’t realize this after I turned off the alarm and the noise all stopped. There is a very good reason that I take a shower in the morning before doing anything else.

Escolia

I would like to apologize for not having posted recently, but I am unable to do so. You see, there is a delicate balance in this world that must be maintained by an elite few of us. I can tell you neither the name of this secret organization, nor the elite rank of Lord Captain Commander which I hold in it. My wife’s lengthy posts during our vacation tipped the balance, almost to toppling over. I was forced to abstain from blogging, or an inhabited planet in the Escolian galaxy would have been destroyed. My birthright confers great power upon me, which I must delicately wield.

My silence is being broken a day earlier than is truly safe, but I have important information which needs to be passed along. My fly was down since before lunch. Luckily I am wearing my conservative boxers today. And by fly I mean my zipper, not my fly minion called Rakthor.